How many times has someone said something that pissed us off? Probably many times. Many times too, I am sure, that the first thought that comes across the mind is to say some biting comment back in retort. It is a natural inclination to do so. We return in kind what we are receiving. What happens next? A big fight ensues and the words linger on inside and carry on to be brought up again at a later time. When things continue in this manner it can turn what was a great relationship into splitsville.
Hurt feelings are not something that is easily healed. While statistics may say that one thing or another is the leading cause of divorce, I would say that many of those reasons began first with harsh words said in dealing with the problems faced in the relationship. Those carried on until eventually the anger grows so great that the two can no longer stand being together any longer.
This verse here shows us a better way, an insight on how to deal with conflict in a relationship. ANY relationship, friends or lovers, acquaintances or coworkers, bosses or in laws. All relationships can benefit from the advice given here.
A gentle answer does not mean being weak or giving in when you believe yourself right. What it does mean is that we slow down, think a little, and use words and tones that will do good in sticking to the point, calming things down, and finding solutions to the problem, rather than exasperating them. It in fact takes great strength to fight off the urge to cut someone back when you feel you have been slashed.
Gentle words will build up a relationship. It will seek to gain an understanding of a problem and help in seeking a solution to it. It will build up the other person and recognize the legitimacy of their feelings. This in turn makes them feel better about the situation in that they may feel that their concerns are being heard and addressed.
What could have been a knock down drag out argument will turn into a productive, though maybe heated, discussion. What could have been weeks of hurt feeling will instead become water under the bridge. The transformational power of the words we choose to use is truly an amazing thing. We can save instead of destroy, heal instead of hurt, move ahead instead of falling back.
Despite knowing the verse, it has taken me a long time to really understand and live it. I have seen up front the truth and reality of this verse. I urge everyone to take these words to heart and to apply them into their lives. Your life and relationships will be better for it.
2 comments:
Cooler heads prevail. Often what we all need to ask ourselves is, "What do we want?" Then, "What's the best way to go about getting what we want?" If what we want is simply to resolve something, shouting and tearing the other person down isn't going to accomplish that. Sometimes going away from the situation and writing out all the things you're feeling can really get to the root of what the TRUE problem is.
At least writing it out works for us writers, lol. I am a walker too. I'll announce I am going for a walk if I feel too heated, then discuss later.
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