Ok, I got only 11.
I read the following article that was about 11 reasons guys break up with women.
http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/sex/11-reasons-he-dumped-you-516033/
Now, I don’t know if the survey they used was answered honestly or not. I can say that I don’t believe it was. I do feel like I want to give my response to the 11 reasons that men supposedly gave for ending a relationship.
I Got Bored: Well, I suppose one can get bored. Being bored isn’t the real reason for the breakup but just the simple way of saying something else. It could be incompatible sex drive, lack of communication, differences in interests, or on of a number of other things that result in the boredom. To me, saying you’re just bored is a cop out.
One of Us Was Too Serious: While I can understand this reason, I have to ask the question; what was the point of becoming a couple in the first place? For me anyway, when you form a relationship, the intent is to get more serious. If you weren’t serious about following through all the way, the relationship should have never been started beyond friends.
Burnout: I can see this happening. Some people in a relationship need space. They need personal time alone and a little freedom to do things without being checked up on all the time. Others need that someone around all the time and to know what they are doing every second they are apart. When these two get together, the one who needs the space will very quickly burn out. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
I Was Tempted To Cheat: Let’s face it, a guy who uses this excuse is just selfish. He only worries about himself and he just wants to get his rocks off whenever he wants. He may have some standards of behavior that have him against cheating, but basically, he wants to sleep around and doesn’t want an exclusive relationship.
All My Friends Broke Up With Their Girlfriends: And if all your friends jump off a building you would too (and probably the best for the gene pool). What kind of idiot thinks this way? This is just another lame excuse given to avoid what the real problems are.
Divergent Lives: Now this one I can buy as a legitimate excuse. People grow and this growth may be in differing directions. You may grow apart in interests, beliefs, or careers. You could be faced with a once in a lifetime career opportunity and the partner is perfectly fine where she is at and they may decide that they need to go their separate ways. Perhaps one comes to accept a new faith and the other does not like it. Whatever the reason, this does happen and is a real reason people break up.
Feeling Selfish: Well, at least the guy is being honest here. If the guy is simply unwilling to put the other first, the other might just be better off without them in their lives as their needs will never be met. It’s a stupid reason, but at least honest.
I "Misread" My Feelings: This can be common. I think this is the relationship where sex came into the picture early and that was the only real thing the two had in common. They got blinded by the hormones and after a while realized that they were not only just different but maybe couldn’t stand each other. My advice on this, hold off on the sex until you get to know each other. At least don’t base a relationship on the fact that you had sex.
My Friends Or Family Didn't Like Her: Peer pressure. If the family and friends don’t like your partner, they can make the relationship a nightmare and very difficult for growth to occur. All of your energy is spent fighting off attacks rather than on loving your partner. The result is burnout. It has been at least my experience that if the majority of your friends and family dislike her, they might be right.
I Took Her For Granted: Usually I hear this the other way around, being taken for granted. This just may be the male way of turning the argument around to make it her fault. Guys do that sometimes. Sounds to me like she was dumping on him for feeling neglected and taken for granted and he just turned it around as an excuse to get out.
She Was Too Negative: This last one I feel is legit too. There is nothing worse for the ego than to keep hearing about how bad you are and what a failure you are. Men need to have their ego’s stroked and to feel like they are accomplishing things. When constantly berated with the negative, he may just head for the door.
Showing posts with label romance. Show all posts
Showing posts with label romance. Show all posts
2009/10/03
2009/09/28
Love on Aspbergers
First of all, let me give you a brief description of Aspbergers syndrome. Asperger syndrome is an autism spectrum disorder, and people with it therefore show significant difficulties in social interaction, along with restricted and repetitive patterns of behavior and interests. It differs from other autism spectrum disorders by its relative preservation of linguistic and cognitive development. Although not required for diagnosis, physical clumsiness and atypical use of language are frequently reported.
This is a disorder that I discovered I have. I spent much of my life not knowing about this and when seeing a news story on it a light bulb seemed to go on and I suddenly understood much of my life and why things were as they were throughout my life. I checked with a doc once and described my life and he tended to agree. While it is a form of autism, it is one that does not restrict a person from most normal activities. Many famous people have it, including Bill Gates.
One area where Aspbergers has had a great impact in my life is in the search for love. I do not view or understand love as many do. I can say this not because I understand how people love, but I say this as a person who has difficulties in doing things that most people who are in love do. Individuals with AS experience difficulties in basic elements of social interaction, which may include a failure to develop friendships or to seek shared enjoyments or achievements with others (for example, showing others objects of interest), a lack of social or emotional reciprocity, and impaired nonverbal behaviors in areas such as eye contact, facial expression, posture, and gesture.
With a confusion or lack of ability to use such tools such as eye contact and such, people misread me at times. This is very prevalent when trying to date. One issue I have is an aversion to touch. This aversion is often misunderstood as distance or lack of interest as most people use touch as part of the process of getting closer to a partner. I also do not seem to grasp non verbal cues given by others. Flirting goes over my head most of the time. I have learned to recognize it, kind of like one learns history. I still don’t get it at times. Connection makers such as these and others make love an elusive thing.
For me (not sure about other AS people) love is more like a math problem. A+B=C. I will logically look at a combination of things in a woman then decide that I could love her. Say for example, her looks are all in proportion and she has certain qualities like a big heart, smarts, caring, has goals and tries to achieve them. Then I will assess how we communicate. This can be difficult with the literal way I read language, but you can tell if you spend a lot of time laughing and there seems to be agreement on thoughts expressed. At some point I conclude that something might be there.
Expression of love comes out for me in ways that I assume are different than the way many do. With the difficulties expressed before, my expression will probably come out in writing, or in actions of gifting or helping ion some way. With touch and eye contact being issues, there may not be that romantic moment of eyes locked and grabbing her in my arms for a passionate kiss. If I do try that, it will come across awkwardly (and has). The expressions can come across awkward or unexpected too because of the lack of non verbal cues.
It used to frustrate me greatly that things always seemed to not work out. I would always ask what I was doing wrong. Now I know. It is not that I am doing something wrong, it is just that I do not communicate in the same fashion as most people and that leads to misunderstandings. I am not nearly capable of communicating in fashions that most people do.
Perhaps some of it has to do with what people are told to expect in a relationship through media and peers who are just stumbling through things themselves. I don’t fit into those molds and often magazines and books may tell people that I am a red flag or that I am just not that interested because I don’t do A or B thing. Whatever it is, I am comfortable in my shoes now. I understand why I am the way I am. And to all those ladies who passed on me, I say this, I am the guy you always wanted after you found out what it is you really wanted. LOL
This is a disorder that I discovered I have. I spent much of my life not knowing about this and when seeing a news story on it a light bulb seemed to go on and I suddenly understood much of my life and why things were as they were throughout my life. I checked with a doc once and described my life and he tended to agree. While it is a form of autism, it is one that does not restrict a person from most normal activities. Many famous people have it, including Bill Gates.
One area where Aspbergers has had a great impact in my life is in the search for love. I do not view or understand love as many do. I can say this not because I understand how people love, but I say this as a person who has difficulties in doing things that most people who are in love do. Individuals with AS experience difficulties in basic elements of social interaction, which may include a failure to develop friendships or to seek shared enjoyments or achievements with others (for example, showing others objects of interest), a lack of social or emotional reciprocity, and impaired nonverbal behaviors in areas such as eye contact, facial expression, posture, and gesture.
With a confusion or lack of ability to use such tools such as eye contact and such, people misread me at times. This is very prevalent when trying to date. One issue I have is an aversion to touch. This aversion is often misunderstood as distance or lack of interest as most people use touch as part of the process of getting closer to a partner. I also do not seem to grasp non verbal cues given by others. Flirting goes over my head most of the time. I have learned to recognize it, kind of like one learns history. I still don’t get it at times. Connection makers such as these and others make love an elusive thing.
For me (not sure about other AS people) love is more like a math problem. A+B=C. I will logically look at a combination of things in a woman then decide that I could love her. Say for example, her looks are all in proportion and she has certain qualities like a big heart, smarts, caring, has goals and tries to achieve them. Then I will assess how we communicate. This can be difficult with the literal way I read language, but you can tell if you spend a lot of time laughing and there seems to be agreement on thoughts expressed. At some point I conclude that something might be there.
Expression of love comes out for me in ways that I assume are different than the way many do. With the difficulties expressed before, my expression will probably come out in writing, or in actions of gifting or helping ion some way. With touch and eye contact being issues, there may not be that romantic moment of eyes locked and grabbing her in my arms for a passionate kiss. If I do try that, it will come across awkwardly (and has). The expressions can come across awkward or unexpected too because of the lack of non verbal cues.
It used to frustrate me greatly that things always seemed to not work out. I would always ask what I was doing wrong. Now I know. It is not that I am doing something wrong, it is just that I do not communicate in the same fashion as most people and that leads to misunderstandings. I am not nearly capable of communicating in fashions that most people do.
Perhaps some of it has to do with what people are told to expect in a relationship through media and peers who are just stumbling through things themselves. I don’t fit into those molds and often magazines and books may tell people that I am a red flag or that I am just not that interested because I don’t do A or B thing. Whatever it is, I am comfortable in my shoes now. I understand why I am the way I am. And to all those ladies who passed on me, I say this, I am the guy you always wanted after you found out what it is you really wanted. LOL
2009/09/27
Looking for Love on Myspace
Being the single guy that I am, I occasionally look around for available women in my area (that‘s an understatement). So, being that I was up and on the computer I decided to look around a bit on the Myspace to see if there were any eligible female Myspace users that lived close by to my new digs. Myspace makes it pretty easy with the advanced browsing thing that they have.
So, I picked my desires. Age:25-40. Single or divorced. Smoking both. Drinking no. Christian. White, Asian, Latina, or other. Wants kids. 20 miles from my location. I press the button and 39 ladies who match my interest pop up before me.
First off, I scan the pictures and pick the prettiest ones first. Here’s a pretty one. She’s 28 and lives in the college town. I go to the page. She’s got all the glitter stuff and flashy things. Let’s get by that and go to some pics. That will show me something about her. Ohhhhh…. Girl in her late 20’s who still dresses up gangsta and wants to kick it with the kiddies, huh? WTF? Damn girl, grow the fuck up! You’re almost 30 and want to act like 18. Nope, not this one for sure. Pretty….. Yeah, pretty immature.
I try another one. She is 30. Again, the pics say a lot. Op! Another college girl wannabe. Well, she is in college. Yeah, a couple of pics all boozed up and flashing gangsta signs with a crooked hat on and making that god awful pouty face. Have we extended our teenage years to go into their 30’s now? NEXT!
Ah, here is a pretty face. What’s in her pics? Well, there is her graduation pic from 4 years ago. And, uh oh. Now I know why only the face shot on the profile. She’s put on about 75 pounds since graduation. Now I can handle someone being a little overweight, but grossly fat, uh uh. I’m just not attracted to that. I will give her this much, she’s not acting like a teenybopper at 27 years old. NEXT!
Ah, a 34 year old. OMG, she looks like Cher! Lets check this out. Uh oh, lots of pics partying her ass off. I thought I chose the no drinking category. Who are all these guys she’s hanging all over? Nah, no social butterflies for me. My partying days are well behind me. NEXT!
Here’s a cutie. She looks kind of young in her profile pic. Lets check it out. Oh, the first thing I see is her saying she’s really only 13. WTF!!! Why are you saying you are 30 then? And why do you have scantily clad pictures on your profile? Don’t you know there are sick fucks out here?!? Does your Mom know about this? NEXT!
There are of course the obligatory fake profiles with porn star pictures too. Of course the one I find that really matches what I want the best is from Manila in the Philippines. I’m sorry but that is not within 20 miles of me. Doesn’t Myspace follow the search helps?
So there it is, 0-39 in my local search criteria. I think all that I have learned is that Women in their late 20’s and early 30’s just want to stay teenagers, teenagers want to be 30, most single women are grossly overweight, and christian women really like to booze it up. Where are the REAL women? None of them in my area are on Myspace, that’s for sure.
So, I picked my desires. Age:25-40. Single or divorced. Smoking both. Drinking no. Christian. White, Asian, Latina, or other. Wants kids. 20 miles from my location. I press the button and 39 ladies who match my interest pop up before me.
First off, I scan the pictures and pick the prettiest ones first. Here’s a pretty one. She’s 28 and lives in the college town. I go to the page. She’s got all the glitter stuff and flashy things. Let’s get by that and go to some pics. That will show me something about her. Ohhhhh…. Girl in her late 20’s who still dresses up gangsta and wants to kick it with the kiddies, huh? WTF? Damn girl, grow the fuck up! You’re almost 30 and want to act like 18. Nope, not this one for sure. Pretty….. Yeah, pretty immature.
I try another one. She is 30. Again, the pics say a lot. Op! Another college girl wannabe. Well, she is in college. Yeah, a couple of pics all boozed up and flashing gangsta signs with a crooked hat on and making that god awful pouty face. Have we extended our teenage years to go into their 30’s now? NEXT!
Ah, here is a pretty face. What’s in her pics? Well, there is her graduation pic from 4 years ago. And, uh oh. Now I know why only the face shot on the profile. She’s put on about 75 pounds since graduation. Now I can handle someone being a little overweight, but grossly fat, uh uh. I’m just not attracted to that. I will give her this much, she’s not acting like a teenybopper at 27 years old. NEXT!
Ah, a 34 year old. OMG, she looks like Cher! Lets check this out. Uh oh, lots of pics partying her ass off. I thought I chose the no drinking category. Who are all these guys she’s hanging all over? Nah, no social butterflies for me. My partying days are well behind me. NEXT!
Here’s a cutie. She looks kind of young in her profile pic. Lets check it out. Oh, the first thing I see is her saying she’s really only 13. WTF!!! Why are you saying you are 30 then? And why do you have scantily clad pictures on your profile? Don’t you know there are sick fucks out here?!? Does your Mom know about this? NEXT!
There are of course the obligatory fake profiles with porn star pictures too. Of course the one I find that really matches what I want the best is from Manila in the Philippines. I’m sorry but that is not within 20 miles of me. Doesn’t Myspace follow the search helps?
So there it is, 0-39 in my local search criteria. I think all that I have learned is that Women in their late 20’s and early 30’s just want to stay teenagers, teenagers want to be 30, most single women are grossly overweight, and christian women really like to booze it up. Where are the REAL women? None of them in my area are on Myspace, that’s for sure.
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